Author Topic: MARK ME ON THIS PLEASE - IM SHIT! LOL (Read 222 times)

Rud · « **on:** August 13, 2001, 07:04:51 AM »

MY RHYMES STILL IN SCHOOL/
COS I BREAK EVERY RULE/
EVER MADE TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL/
BUT IT OFTEN BACKFIRES/
GET BEAT BACK BY LIARS/
AND THOSE FUCKIN NEW TRIERS/
DID U THINK I GOT BEAT IN THE FIRST ROUND (OH YES)/
DID U THINK I GOT CRUSHED IN THE SECOND (NOT MY BEST)/
THE THIRD TIME AROUND HAS GOT TO RE-TEST/
MY LYRICAL ABILITY/
TO CRUSH YOUR AGILITY/
UR LYRICS FLOW LIKE A RUSSIAN GYMNAST/
BUT I GUARANTEE IT CANT LAST/
TO GET PAST THE VERY REACH OF MY CLASS/
YOU WILL SEE AFTER PRACTICE/
MY LYRICS WILL MAKE SHIT FLOW LIKE A LAXATIVE/
WITH CREATIVENESS 2 BLOW U AWAY/
YOU BEG ME TO STAY/
BUT YOUR RHYMES JUST GET IN MY WAY/
SO ILL BRUSH U ASIDE AND GET ON MY STRIDE/
AND MAKE U ALL ONLOOK WITH PRIDE

I WAS BORED, AND THAT WAS A BIT WACK

VOTE N E WAY!

peace

TheSheriff · « **Reply #1 on:** August 13, 2001, 09:57:47 AM »

It flowed decently in some respects, but the rhyming was a bit bland. I would suggest either ABAB, AAAA, or AABA CCDC...

I would give a 5 to an experienced keystyler(mediocre), but as you're new to this, it seems, 6...It's a fair first effort.

Rud · « **Reply #2 on:** August 13, 2001, 10:00:06 AM »

K, WELL 3RD EFFORT! LOL

ILL TAKE THAT ON BOARD!

CHEERS

MORE COMMENTS PLEASE!!

peace

Joachim · « **Reply #3 on:** August 13, 2001, 04:07:29 PM »

Quote

MY LYRICS WILL MAKE SHIT FLOW LIKE A LAXATIVE/

That lines tight bro, you gettin better every time...

Rud · « **Reply #4 on:** August 14, 2001, 02:17:42 AM »

CHEERS!

maxi-padz · « **Reply #5 on:** August 14, 2001, 02:31:12 AM »

getten better stick with it
try n sound a bit more sophisticated
like u dun gotta use bigger wordz
just not basik onez
say like instead of war battle
instead of army - horde
u know mix it up
i aint no expert but thats wha i try n do
peace man
good luck
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