Author Topic: First Drop - Check it out (Read 142 times)

Cee-O · « **on:** December 18, 2002, 08:29:14 PM »

I wrote this jus chillin in my room. Let me know what you all think.

Thanks,
Cee-O

Every time that I spit//
Seems it comes out like shit//
But if my shit is legit//
Gotta keep doin it//
Cause there's no givin in//
From this rut that I'm in//
How tha hell can I ever win if I never begin//

If I try standin tall//
Maybe these walls will fall//
If I go on tha prawl//
If I let out a growl//
Need to put up a fight//
To help me get through tha night//
All my dreams are within sight if my feelings ignite//

On tha A-train to nowhere//
I act like I don't care//
Drunken from despair//
All I show is a blank stare//
My body's on empty//
I drop down on both knees//
Please God there's gotta be an end to this misery//

I've taken their best shot//
Left me weary and distraught//
I'm done is what they thought//
Not enough is what they brought//
Won't put up with tha same old//
It's time to gain control//
I gotta let em know that I ain't gonna fold//

~|~PimpFemcee~|~ · « **Reply #1 on:** December 18, 2002, 08:40:22 PM »

this was alright for a first drop..um..you bars are a little to short and I didn't see any multis and metas in there I mean that is what a freestyle is all bout..anyone cus just put words to gether and make lines rhyme but the fun part is the metas and multis...work on it a little more

'Illicit' · « **Reply #2 on:** December 19, 2002, 11:09:47 AM »

nice drop, for a first one

__kaLipZo__ · « **Reply #3 on:** December 19, 2002, 06:17:22 PM »

like femcee said, bars were a lil to short, flowed well tho, extend ya vocab a bit, need those multis and metas, personals are much of a concern in keystyle

Pillow · « **Reply #4 on:** December 19, 2002, 08:57:40 PM »

Quote from: __kaLipZo__ on December 19, 2002, 06:17:22 PM

like femcee said, bars were a lil to short, flowed well tho, extend ya vocab a bit, need those multis and metas, personals are much of a concern in keystyle

yomp, agreed