Author Topic: "Causing my own Consequences" - Feedback plz! (Read 375 times)

Gay-o Felony · « **on:** January 11, 2003, 01:29:33 PM »

Time for a new start, a fresh set of memories, the beginning of a new me//
Then my brain went through pressure back to the future, and regretful memories returned to me//
Like a small spark triggers a fire, my slight revealment of words prevailed into tradegy suddenly//
YOU ask me those questions, like they fuckin scared my memory, like im gonna remember//
Its old news, like your ex-personality, you've changed, i thought you were to be trusted, just a pretender//
A friend gradually turns to enemy, keepin' em closer, the phrase suddenly makes me suspicious//
Like i had a life before this one, and the phrase was to worn me this time, im so curious//
I'll keep my head low, even then i draw more attention than a military artist, nowadays gotta be tactical// [1]
Gotta live your life how you wanna, but im not gone be drastical, ima be practical, lifes made by other people, they make the decision in my head//
Wont come true, but the only time they realise, they shoulda stopped when they had the chance..... when im dead!//

Explanations:

1 = Draw = Artist / Attention = Army Technique, see the combination!?

Feedback Please!

.:TimeLock:. · « **Reply #1 on:** January 12, 2003, 11:41:25 AM »

this shit is mad confusing at points, like u can make up your mind what it is u want to say.. humm is that why u call yourself that?

Koncept · « **Reply #2 on:** January 12, 2003, 02:04:43 PM »

don't know whats the matter with my friend timelock over here, but i was feelin' it

Kill · « **Reply #3 on:** January 12, 2003, 02:08:48 PM »

lyrically it could be worked on and it had me lost a few times, but overall it was a nice spit

Gay-o Felony · « **Reply #4 on:** January 12, 2003, 02:13:45 PM »

I know its confuses people, but its just me getting some shit off ma chest thts all.. it was bout a friend bringin' back dug up memories going way back, i tell him shit, he goes behind my trust and splirts it all out!

Ind3cisiv3 - Timelock, they do call me Ind3cisiv3 for that reason yes, coz 1 minute im happy, the next im not, my emotions dont decide!

Reef · « **Reply #5 on:** January 12, 2003, 02:21:49 PM »

I was feelin the overall flow of the verse.. But like TimeLock said.. you really need to logiclly construct your shit to make it better.. Its like a story in a way i supose.. you cant go from sayin... 'The cat is green' to 'the dog hasd a big cock' it jus dont make sense.

Try and order ya shit a bit more logicly... if you do wanna change subject do it.. but dont jump away from it two barz l8a..

Jus some pointers..