Elements > Tha Studio

first verse

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abstruse:
Heres my first verse.  I wrote this shit when i was battlin my friend on aim :).  I've been obsessed with this rap shit since i was kickin it with my homie and his rap crew a couple weeks back.  Anyway hit me up with some feedback, and be furious.  The more criticism i get the harder i'll come back next time.

i'm about to place this man and juxtapose
all his wack lyricist woes
encounter these so-called foes
on weak freestyle shows
murder this man and leave em lying
dead in barstow
permanently amputate his thoughts
and put him under psychological counsel
you fukin faggot
you carry the recessive homosexual genetic
style hair, sorry i mean cosmetics
layed on your own fathers demerits
my lyrics flow like kinetics
having you sweating like agarics
never coming generic
make your gayness more apparent
now sit back try and appraise
my lyrical dismays
blow up harder then grenades
while the terrorist invade
im at a higher stage
ABSTRUSE phase
that could bend a spoon
without a single hand-raise

I dun know wtf all those "/" and "//" are for in those keystyles so i dont use em.

'Illicit':
the / are jus for statin that a line is completed. we jus do it so you'll know how long one line is.  but you started a new row after each line so it dont matter.    just dont write em like I'm writin right now, cuz it'll be hard to catch your flow.

hmm, for a first verse, this shit was cool.  I'd say so.   keep that up dawg.

Kill:
yeah if that was your first verse you pretty surely got potential...it wasn't pure dopeness but since it was your first verse keep it up

Koncept:

--- Quote from: Kill on February 11, 2003, 04:55:29 PM ---keep it up

--- End quote ---

__kaLipZo__:

--- Quote from: Koncept on February 11, 2003, 06:31:03 PM ---
--- Quote from: Kill on February 11, 2003, 04:55:29 PM ---keep it up

--- End quote ---

--- End quote ---

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