Check this little freestyle...

[Skindiana bon3z]

I'm battling someone at another forum...and I started writing my verse...it ain't that good but tell me what you think....I still needa finish it....I'm battling someone named Dr. Rap....tell me what i'm missing...how is it so far  

What the fuck is Dr. Rap, sounds like a fag that works at the Gap/
Homo you can't touch me, my flow will hush you (shhhh),  its Krim putting Granada on the map/
It's a fact relax sit back and try to get some snatch, you rush me but its obvious it don't matter I'll still win this match/
They call me Krim making you dim til' you run away and and drink some Gin/
Your invisible how can you be visible to see you have no physical abilities to beat me mentally/
You get pistol slapped by Krimsonyte and get your ass kicked by him in a fight/
Step up to the mic and be prepared to lose this fight for you have no might/

[vitodeluca]

Ummm, the first two things that jump out at me are:

1.  Try and come with some harder punches...i.e. try and get some snatch, and run away and drink some gin are not very dope punches, and it's obvious they are just there for the sake of rhyming.
2. Try and come up with more of a complex rhyme scheme, rather than just rap/gap/map feel me?

If the battle was on this board, that's two of the things it would be judged on.  It's hard to come up with a good rhyme scheme, but check out Daygo's rhymes, or Mack, or Sinisters for examples of some good rhymes, and also check out "multis 101" and "punches 101" on the keystyle board for good explanations of these subjects.  You'll be killin' in no time

[·SiNiStEr·]

lol @ dayglo.. this'll be moved to keystyle shortly but oh wait.. we dont have active mods!

so anyway, yea your flow is good enough but you should come up with some metas or multis.. and be creative, no one said this shit was easy.. lol

[Skindiana bon3z]

aight thanks guys, i'll check that out vito....and sinister yeah your right about getting better multi's and shit...I wasnt in the mood of writing and shit...I guess I'll get better with time though...anyway thanks for the constructive criticism guys

[vitodeluca]

no prob. homie, just make sure you rep. for WCC on the other board!!

[Skindiana bon3z]

no prob. homie, just make sure you rep. for WCC on the other board!!

Yeah I will, I'm gonna try and rip him...but he posted his rap already...its pretty good...

[vitodeluca]

Link?

[Skindiana bon3z]

http://www.d12world.com/board/showthread.php?s=8e10db02122cbc5a33b860cd0783cc98&threadid=59242

[vitodeluca]

it wasn't THAT good, maybe for a 10 min. keystyle, but if dude stepped in here to one of the battlers he'd get ripped.  Homies got a real simple rhyme scheme, no multis, thin metas.  

[vitodeluca]

good you call yaself doctor (w)rap, cause you see through, only way you an A rated MC is cause noone wana B you, I see you being new, it's evident, with excrement impediments cause ya ain't droppin shit that's worth mentionin',

couple lines for ya...hahaha

[Skindiana bon3z]

Lol, thanks....yeah I know it wasnt that good, but compared to mine it is lol