LMAO Things people have said in court...

[Jay ay Beee]

These really are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters in America.

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.


Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.



Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A:Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?



Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.



Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.



Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.



Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?



Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?



Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?



Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?



Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?



Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?



Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?



Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.



Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr... Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.



Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?



Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

[The Big Bad Ass]

lol, there was some funny ones in there.

[Tha_Reverend]

lmao

[UDollar A.K.A Nino]

Fo real, there was some funny ones around....

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr... Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[Noon Bank$]

lol my uncle was doin jury duty...and some stoned guy was getting asked the questions. The person asking the questions said "Is it true that you filled the hole with soil?" and the guy said "Nope. The hole was filled with dirt". He kept fighting back saying it was dirty, not soil.

[pappy]

this was a really good post i called my mom into read it an we both started cracking up lol.  *clicks props jay*

[Jay ay Beee]

*clicks props jay*

I need 'em lol

[bez]

LMFAO

[Jome]

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Many good ones, but this has to be among the best disses ever.. lol

[Doggystylin]

LMFAAAOOOO that was fuckin hilarious, i was gonna quote one but then there was so many i said fuck it, lol

[P Nelson]

Ay Fame, I dont get that avatar

[Jome]

Ay Fame, I dont get that avatar

M.O.P. dissed and murdered Fabolous on his own god damned remix, and that fa bo lo us dude thinks otherwise, so it's just showing him the truth.  

[[Stoned]Jesus H. Christ[Wheat]]

that was some funny shit

[HHH]

lmao  

[Eidolon_Ravi]

lmao