Dont Worry Guys....Tech To The Rescue

[King Tech Quadafi]

Im Here to save this forum......Prince Tech presents Jokes Vol. 4

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5 presidents are on a plane  

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Bill Clinton says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W Bush off the plane

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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

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Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, "George, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner."
Bush asked, "What was on the banner?"

Saddam responded, "It said Allah is God, and God is Allah."

Bush said, "You know, Saddam, I'm really glad you called, because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was also a beautiful banner."

Saddam said, "What was on the banner?"

Bush replied, "I really don't know. I don't read Hebrew

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What''s the shortest book ever written?

French War Heroes.

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 A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."

The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"

President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."


 





 

[King Tech Quadafi]

Intelligent Quotes  

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush
 

[Immortal]

tech this is so boring man, all u ever post is about politics. I mean fuck that shit for a while and talk bout something else. Im not gonna read all that.

[Genius]

LMFAO....

Funniest one was with Saddam calling Bush.... "I don't read Hebrew"

[TheSheriff]

LOL

I agree with Janius. That is a classic. But you didn't post the 50 ways to annoy Bin Laden list.

[Genius]

LOL

I agree with Janius. That is a classic. But you didn't post the 50 ways to annoy Bin Laden list.

LOL

[King Tech Quadafi]

tech this is so boring man, all u ever post is about politics. I mean fuck that shit for a while and talk bout something else. Im not gonna read all that.

THEN DONT COME INTO MY THREAD COMPLAINING LIKE A WHORE ON HER PERIOD.

[BL7]

Lmao @ those quotes!

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

 

[Trauma-san]

They were all pretty funny, I love these.  I just noticed though; I wonder how it feels (I'm not putting down, I'm just saying, I truly am curious) to live in another country, and know that the u.s. basically controls your entertainment, the world's economy, controls the wars that are fought; controls the music that's bought, even the jokes that are told.  I don't think I could live like that, lol.  I'd have to make up some canadian jokes.  

[King Tech Quadafi]

Ill tell you how I put up with it. I have a faith in God, in the end God will exist and America will not.

[Trauma-san]

Yeah, that's true.  Eventually there will be no countries, and Jesus Christ will rule on the earth.  



HAVE A NICE DAY!!!

[UnstoppableForce]

LMAO @ this whole thread

[Don Jacob]

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What''s the shortest book ever written?

French War Heroes.

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LMAO!

that was a good one

::hits props button::

[King Tech Quadafi]

Yeah, that's true.  Eventually there will be no countries, and Jesus Christ will rule on the earth.  



HAVE A NICE DAY!!!

[Jay ay Beee]

Then Bill Clinton says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W Bush off the plane

LMAO