Elements > Tha Studio

My first post in this section! (a diss)

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D--M--X:
Since i'm new to this forum: Hello @ everybody  :)

This is a diss i wrote to somebody on another forum, and i just wanted to know what y'all think of it?

Yeah, i'm a bully, so what?
And i know my rhymes' illy, just call me god
If I wouldn't spit at the weak
I wouldn't be spitting at you, silly geek
Come again tomorrow to get your beadown 4 this week
Your rhymes are bad, they sound like greek
Don't you know by now, that
i'm the hardest, rap artist
My rhymes ain't like yours...just wack
Better leave this thread and never come back
You're making me mad
Shall i smack your face?
What the f!ck r u doing, trying to take my place
Remember that i'm an ace
When it comes to rap
Did u get it by now? crap!
You don't rap, you don't rhyme
and u never comitted a crime
so don't u talk here bout taking lives
before u do that u'll be stuck with knives!!!

So what do y'all think of it??? ::)

wilz:
first half was real good, only thing i would change is the line were it says ..... just wack it kinda sounds like your talking about your own rhymes. and try to make the last part flow a little better.

Thats just my opinion so don't let it phase u, keep writin and doin your thing

eKardz:
BOOOO

D--M--X:

--- Quote from: wilz on January 12, 2006, 05:22:02 PM ---first half was real good, only thing i would change is the line were it says ..... just wack it kinda sounds like your talking about your own rhymes. and try to make the last part flow a little better.

Thats just my opinion so don't let it phase u, keep writin and doin your thing

--- End quote ---
Thanks for the comment!
You're right with the "just wack" thing

@eKardz: Your comment didn't help me at all

Any tips for me to improve in general???

eKardz:

--- Quote from: D--M--X on January 13, 2006, 01:57:37 AM ---
--- Quote from: wilz on January 12, 2006, 05:22:02 PM ---first half was real good, only thing i would change is the line were it says ..... just wack it kinda sounds like your talking about your own rhymes. and try to make the last part flow a little better.

Thats just my opinion so don't let it phase u, keep writin and doin your thing

--- End quote ---
Thanks for the comment!
You're right with the "just wack" thing

@eKardz: Your comment didn't help me at all

Any tips for me to improve in general???

--- End quote ---

my bad,  i thought that the rhymes were way too simple.  all these one syllable words, sounds like your in elementary school.  not feelin the bar structure or the overall flow.  maybe u got it tho keep tryin who knows.

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