Infinite dead at 50. I'm only planning to live 8 more years.

[V2DHeart]

These are all normal thought patterns we have at some point as we age. Sometimes they come or go, or remain. The majority on these 'Rap forums' will be nearing their 40's, or will already be in their 40's, possibly 50's, so the majority here would have all had similar thoughts on dependency and issues that will inevitably arise in their lives, that have to rely on the goodwill and kindness of others, and let's face it - the world is fast becoming a shallow self-centred place with far more disingenuousness to try and navigate through.

But this should only serve as an incentive to eat better, exercise more, and try and insert yourself into things that tend to occupy the mind.

Everyone should self-reflect to see where they can make improvements, no matter how small. One of my biggest things was spending far too much time on Facebook. Not just being on there to screen scroll through random ish, but spending time on there debating on hot political topics, before realising that it was just a pointless waste of time. We rarely change opposing opinions debating anyway, and if you calculate the amount of time spent on those platforms, it's frightening, when comparing what could have been achieved had that time been utilised elsewhere. And these achievements could have procured a positive impact on our lives. Taking the time to learn a new language (free for the most part) could open up doors to employment opportunities, new friends in other countries, or working on a new skill or trade. I've recently been looking at DIY animatronics and other similar things. I think we all can have a massive boost in self-confidence and raising self-esteem when we can achieve something, but the current system somewhat forces us to be drawn into throwing our time away for nothing of real worth at the end of it. Comparing our lives, with those who tend to manufacture most of theirs, from the filtered images, and exaggerated enjoyment of events - I once saw (I saw 'once', but happens regularly) someone post over 60 images of a day out, and reply to all of the comments, and thinking to myself, if this day was really enjoyment, you'd be living in the moment of it, not worrying about the opinions of strangers to help validate it.

Off on a tangent, but I would definitely say the next 8 years should be goal oriented, listing all goals, starting off with the smallest first   

[TraceOneInfinite]

These are all normal thought patterns we have at some point as we age. Sometimes they come or go, or remain. The majority on these 'Rap forums' will be nearing their 40's, or will already be in their 40's, possibly 50's, so the majority here would have all had similar thoughts on dependency and issues that will inevitably arise in their lives, that have to rely on the goodwill and kindness of others, and let's face it - the world is fast becoming a shallow self-centred place with far more disingenuousness to try and navigate through.

But this should only serve as an incentive to eat better, exercise more, and try and insert yourself into things that tend to occupy the mind.

Everyone should self-reflect to see where they can make improvements, no matter how small. One of my biggest things was spending far too much time on Facebook. Not just being on there to screen scroll through random ish, but spending time on there debating on hot political topics, before realising that it was just a pointless waste of time. We rarely change opposing opinions debating anyway, and if you calculate the amount of time spent on those platforms, it's frightening, when comparing what could have been achieved had that time been utilised elsewhere. And these achievements could have procured a positive impact on our lives. Taking the time to learn a new language (free for the most part) could open up doors to employment opportunities, new friends in other countries, or working on a new skill or trade. I've recently been looking at DIY animatronics and other similar things. I think we all can have a massive boost in self-confidence and raising self-esteem when we can achieve something, but the current system somewhat forces us to be drawn into throwing our time away for nothing of real worth at the end of it. Comparing our lives, with those who tend to manufacture most of theirs, from the filtered images, and exaggerated enjoyment of events - I once saw (I saw 'once', but happens regularly) someone post over 60 images of a day out, and reply to all of the comments, and thinking to myself, if this day was really enjoyment, you'd be living in the moment of it, not worrying about the opinions of strangers to help validate it.

Off on a tangent, but I would definitely say the next 8 years should be goal oriented, listing all goals, starting off with the smallest first

Great post, homie.  I'll respond later

[Sikotic™]

We need you, dogg. You're a legend.

[Soopafly DPGC]

It’s written in the stars bro.  Don’t pretend you and I were born into the same family circumstances.  I mean hell, without getting too personal let’s just say one was born in LA as the rise of the fuccing West Coast rap era was about to take off and the other was born from an anonymous sperm donor. 

Point is we aren’t all fated the same stars.  Palm Readers and Mentalists can predict such propensities as a person being fated to a life of a loner or individualist the path chooses you as much as you choose it.

Nature vs. Nurture.  Not all life is choice some is circumstantial yes I will accept my 50% responsibility for my choices but there’s another 50% that is destiny and I’ve tried to run from my loner life before but it always comes back to me

You choose what makes you happy in life.  There are people who wake up every day and work a jigsaw puzzle alone, in a tiny little room who are incredibly happy in life.

If you have decided the only way you will feel happy is by material things that money can buy or material circumstances that money can buy, that's something you need to work on, and that's not accomplished by getting more money.  That's called chasing the dragon.

If you have decided the only way to make you happy is by having a wife and kids, again, relying on someone else or something else to make you happy, that's all on you.

If you have decided the only way you can ever be happy is to somehow figure out a way to rationalize your childhood and upbringing and continue to wish you grew up in a loving household, that's a wall you're never going to climb my dude.

Honestly, you really need to stop justifying your unhappiness because of "the stars" or your "circumstances" and learn to be happy in the situation you are in.  I've seen so many happy people who have next to nothing.  They've figured out the key to happiness.  You haven't yet.  I hope you figure it out one day.  Because if you keep waiting around for something or someone to come into your life that will "make" you happy, won't ever happen.  There are rich miserable people.  There are married miserable people.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a result of external factors.  Homie you need to get right with yourself.  Only YOU can make YOU happy. 

[Sccit]

You choose what makes you happy in life.  There are people who wake up every day and work a jigsaw puzzle alone, in a tiny little room who are incredibly happy in life.

If you have decided the only way you will feel happy is by material things that money can buy or material circumstances that money can buy, that's something you need to work on, and that's not accomplished by getting more money.  That's called chasing the dragon.

If you have decided the only way to make you happy is by having a wife and kids, again, relying on someone else or something else to make you happy, that's all on you.

If you have decided the only way you can ever be happy is to somehow figure out a way to rationalize your childhood and upbringing and continue to wish you grew up in a loving household, that's a wall you're never going to climb my dude.

Honestly, you really need to stop justifying your unhappiness because of "the stars" or your "circumstances" and learn to be happy in the situation you are in.  I've seen so many happy people who have next to nothing.  They've figured out the key to happiness.  You haven't yet.  I hope you figure it out one day.  Because if you keep waiting around for something or someone to come into your life that will "make" you happy, won't ever happen.  There are rich miserable people.  There are married miserable people.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a result of external factors.  Homie you need to get right with yourself.  Only YOU can make YOU happy.

are u married and/or got kids??

[HighEyeCue]

You choose what makes you happy in life.  There are people who wake up every day and work a jigsaw puzzle alone, in a tiny little room who are incredibly happy in life.

If you have decided the only way you will feel happy is by material things that money can buy or material circumstances that money can buy, that's something you need to work on, and that's not accomplished by getting more money.  That's called chasing the dragon.

If you have decided the only way to make you happy is by having a wife and kids, again, relying on someone else or something else to make you happy, that's all on you.

If you have decided the only way you can ever be happy is to somehow figure out a way to rationalize your childhood and upbringing and continue to wish you grew up in a loving household, that's a wall you're never going to climb my dude.

Honestly, you really need to stop justifying your unhappiness because of "the stars" or your "circumstances" and learn to be happy in the situation you are in.  I've seen so many happy people who have next to nothing.  They've figured out the key to happiness.  You haven't yet.  I hope you figure it out one day.  Because if you keep waiting around for something or someone to come into your life that will "make" you happy, won't ever happen.  There are rich miserable people.  There are married miserable people.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a result of external factors.  Homie you need to get right with yourself.  Only YOU can make YOU happy.

I've been through some deep depression in my lifetime

I thought the only answer was to get professional help and while the antidepressants helped me for a while they were more of a quick fix than anything

and Im proud to say although I do take medication for my thyroid that is the only thing I take nowadays

I also want to say that exercise is a very underrated solution to feeling down, it has helped me tremendously

healthy body, healthy mind

Infinite hang in there my friend

[Soopafly DPGC]

are u married and/or got kids??

I do not.  I'm dating someone semi serious, may or may not end up being long term.  But both of us have decided on no kids, so that will definitely not be in my future. 

[Sccit]

I do not.  I'm dating someone semi serious, may or may not end up being long term.  But both of us have decided on no kids, so that will definitely not be in my future.

so you’ve decided to never have kids?

and what’s the reasoning behind that??

[Soopafly DPGC]

so you’ve decided to never have kids?

and what’s the reasoning behind that??

Let me rephrase that, kids aren't in the cards for us.  She had to have a hysterectomy due to health related concerns.  So, children are not possible.  I knew that going into the relationship so i guess it was a conscious decision on my end if we dated that we weren't having children.  I'm almost 50 years old, so at this point in my life, it would be difficult physically and mentally to raise children.  If her and I don't work out, and I did want to try for children, i'd have to date someone almost 10-20 years my junior, which can be problematic too. 

So it wasn't like i didn't want children because of the state of the world or anything like that.  I just didn't find anyone until much later in life.   

[Sccit]

Let me rephrase that, kids aren't in the cards for us.  She had to have a hysterectomy due to health related concerns.  So, children are not possible.  I knew that going into the relationship so i guess it was a conscious decision on my end if we dated that we weren't having children.  I'm almost 50 years old, so at this point in my life, it would be difficult physically and mentally to raise children.  If her and I don't work out, and I did want to try for children, i'd have to date someone almost 10-20 years my junior, which can be problematic too. 

So it wasn't like i didn't want children because of the state of the world or anything like that.  I just didn't find anyone until much later in life.   

got it


sticky situation .. but sound like your content wit it

[Soopafly DPGC]

got it


sticky situation .. but sound like your content wit it

Oh yes for sure, i don't need kids to be happy.  I've found my happiness through other avenues.  That's the advice i was giving Infinite.  Learn to play the cards you were dealt and stop wishing you were dealt 4 aces.  Because what might seem like a great card hand to you, might be terrible for someone else. 

[TraceOneInfinite]

So it wasn't like i didn't want children because of the state of the world or anything like that.   

Considering the state of the world right now, yes, having kids now seems difficult.  But hell, everything in that regard seems difficult to me.  I don't know how people do things like getting married.  I don't even know how people have relationships anymore.

As far as sex, I catch my luck here and there enough to keep my sanity.  So yes, a man has his needs at the end of the day.  But being in a relationship seems like a lot of work to me.

(Obviously there's a financial aspect to all of this.  I mean if you had a shit ton of money it may be easy to have relationships and have children.  But when you don't have a lot of money, you can't afford to get yourself caught up in any major entanglements)

but just generally speaking like how.. I can barely even keep a friend these days.  Keeping up with something like relationship, marrage, family -- is too much for me these days.  Like I said, I can't even keep up on friendships anymore.

...but I'm still doing better these days then when I originally made this post, because I like my work.  It doesn't pay a lot but I enjoy it, so it's like easy money cause I make money teaching English and my students actually listen to me and care about me and I care about them.  Outside the class nobody cares, but if you put on a tie and stand in front of a white board suddenly they are kind to you and listen to what you say.

[Soopafly DPGC]

Considering the state of the world right now, yes, having kids now seems difficult.  But hell, everything in that regard seems difficult to me.  I don't know how people do things like getting married.  I don't even know how people have relationships anymore.

As far as sex, I catch my luck here and there enough to keep my sanity.  So yes, a man has his needs at the end of the day.  But being in a relationship seems like a lot of work to me.

(Obviously there's a financial aspect to all of this.  I mean if you had a shit ton of money it may be easy to have relationships and have children.  But when you don't have a lot of money, you can't afford to get yourself caught up in any major entanglements)

but just generally speaking like how.. I can barely even keep a friend these days.  Keeping up with something like relationship, marrage, family -- is too much for me these days.  Like I said, I can't even keep up on friendships anymore.

...but I'm still doing better these days then when I originally made this post, because I like my work.  It doesn't pay a lot but I enjoy it, so it's like easy money cause I make money teaching English and my students actually listen to me and care about me and I care about them.  Outside the class nobody cares, but if you put on a tie and stand in front of a white board suddenly they are kind to you and listen to what you say.

Relationships are hard work, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Harder work than maintaining a normal friendship.  I'd say only 25% of people who are in relationships are truly happy.  Most stay in relationships for kids, or for convenience, or for economic reasons, or fear of being alone.  But yeah i'd say many people aren't truly 'happy'. 

It really concerns me how you continue to require feedback from others in order to feel happy and fulfilled.  Just like you said at the end, you are feeling better because of your teaching job.  And that's great, but then you have to throw in the part about your students caring about you and listening to you, and that makes you happy.  Again, this is an outside variable that you are needing to feel happiness, and that variable is in an ever-changing state of flux.  Therefore, your happiness will be in a state of flux as well.  And it has nothing to do with a tie and stand as to why people are kind to you at your job.  Your students have to be kind to you because your school either requires it, or the students are paying to be there (depending on if you teach at an elementary or college level).  When you meet truly kind people, what you wear or your status doesn't matter to them.

Curious as to why you feel you can't keep up on a friendship anymore.  What is so difficult about it? 

[TraceOneInfinite]

Relationships are hard work, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Harder work than maintaining a normal friendship.  I'd say only 25% of people who are in relationships are truly happy.  Most stay in relationships for kids, or for convenience, or for economic reasons, or fear of being alone.  But yeah i'd say many people aren't truly 'happy'. 

It really concerns me how you continue to require feedback from others in order to feel happy and fulfilled.  Just like you said at the end, you are feeling better because of your teaching job.  And that's great, but then you have to throw in the part about your students caring about you and listening to you, and that makes you happy.  Again, this is an outside variable that you are needing to feel happiness, and that variable is in an ever-changing state of flux.  Therefore, your happiness will be in a state of flux as well.  And it has nothing to do with a tie and stand as to why people are kind to you at your job.  Your students have to be kind to you because your school either requires it, or the students are paying to be there (depending on if you teach at an elementary or college level).  When you meet truly kind people, what you wear or your status doesn't matter to them.

Curious as to why you feel you can't keep up on a friendship anymore.  What is so difficult about it?

First, I must say thanks for the feedback and insight...I'll respond one by one...

Second, yes, for sure I agree relationships are hard work and 25% of them are unhappy.  And I've been there before, I've been the unhappy guy in a relationship and right now I feel better not being that guy.  Not having to "work" at anything.  I only "work" at my job now--and I like it and I get paid for it.

Thirdly, I agree with you about the feedback/seeking approval/needing affirmation thing.  I mean—ideally—you are right and I am working towards having it from within — and making progress towards that.  It is of course optimum to have an inner sense of well-being and confidence that is independent of getting props from others. 

Last point—I'm not sure about...

...Maybe it's better to use another profession and another analogy.  It would be like a stand-up comic.  Let's say the guy gets on stage and everybody quiets down and listens to him and hangs on his every word.  They all applaud him and show him love.  This wouldn't happen if he was a shitty comic.  So, I don't think it's just because they "paid" to get into the show.  The guy also has to deliver.  And then let's say in real life this comic has friends and family and they don't really give a shit what he says and don't think he's actually all that great, and when he talks in real life they always cut him off and mostly ignore him.  In fact, Jerry Seinfeld actually used this reality as one of his bits on his show.  George, Elaine, and Kramer actually don't think his comedy is that great and often give him tips about how to be more funny.

Finally—my point is, that it can happen in a person's life--that they might be more appreciated by their clients than they are friends and family.  As is the case with me.